Rev Wakil David Matthews (00:06.501)
Well, welcome everybody. We are so happy today to be joined by my good friend, Chef Dave Decker. Yes, we always call him Chef. I've known Dave for many years as a treasured member of my men's group. There have been many times when he's really impressed me with his compassion and care for the residents he works with at a local senior living facility.

He's an institutional chef and an institutional chef could simply create efficient meals for large groups and be done with it. But that's not the way Chef Dave handles things. He takes a personal and compassionate interest in his elder care family. He spends time visiting with them, asks for their feedback and creates magnificent gourmet meals and snacks, some of which he's actually shared with us.

Annalouiza (01:01.511)
Chef Dave has 43 years of experience in the culinary arts, including work at casinos in Las Vegas and Lake Tahoe, resorts on the Big Island of Hawaii, and in sports entertainment. He has worked for many prominent organizations that we'll all recognize, including the LA Lakers, LA Keens, the Clippers, LA Angels, the Seattle Mariners.

Grammy Awards, the Kentucky Derby, the US Open, and significant events. As noted, he has been working in senior living for the last five years. He considers himself a culinary caregiver. Dave has traveled to seven countries and lived in nine states, and he's a father to five children, two boys and three girls. Thank you, Dave, for showing up and being here with us today.

David Dekker (01:53.942)
Thank you, appreciate the time.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (01:54.181)
Yeah, it's great to have you.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (01:58.673)
Well, we like to always get a feel for our guests by asking them when they first became aware of death.

David Dekker (02:05.957)
well, I think the first awareness I had of death was probably...

when my grandfather passed. This was back in the...

Mid 80s or late 80s, late 80s, early 90s, think. Um, mean, I'd always been aware of death. I mean, you know, when I was in high school, right after I graduated high school, a friend of mine was killed in a car accident, you know, and, and it's tough to process when you're, especially for me, because when I was, you know, 19 years old and, you know, I spent a lot of time doing what 19 year olds do, you know.

getting high and partying and stuff like that. So it's just like, when you're that age, it's like death, what's death? What are you talking about? I'm immortal. Look at what I can do. But I think the first time it truly hit me was when my grandfather had passed and he had had a series of strokes. And it's the one thing, when I share my experience with people, I always tell them, say, you can spend a lifetime.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (02:53.607)
Ha ha. Ha ha ha.

Annalouiza (02:54.014)
Hahaha

Rev Wakil David Matthews (03:03.163)
Yeah, right. Yeah.

David Dekker (03:22.048)
preparing for someone you love to pass on. And the minute they do, all that preparedness goes out the window. It's just, it's like you never even tried because the grief hits you so hard, you know, and it's just, it's something that's familiar to us in this world, but so foreign to us when it happens so close, I guess, you know, that's how I feel about it.

Annalouiza (03:50.377)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (03:52.62)
But yeah, I would say when my grandfather, he was my maternal grandfather and that was the one grandparent I was closest to, him and his wife, my grandmother. I was close to them. In fact, when my grandmother eventually passed, I was living in Las Vegas and she was with my, she was living with my mother there. I was the one going to hospice to see her every day and when I got the call that she had passed, I,

Annalouiza (03:53.375)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (04:03.135)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (04:22.707)
was five minutes away from the hospital center. So I was the first one in the family to go see her body. So it's...

Annalouiza (04:30.569)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (04:33.579)
Should I close here?

Annalouiza (04:36.177)
No, I'm still here.

David Dekker (04:38.916)
okay. I'm seeing a reconnecting. I want to make sure. I'm sorry. I'm glad you have a good editor.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (04:39.271)
We lose you.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (04:45.511)
Yeah, yeah, you froze up a bit, but you seem to be back.

Annalouiza (04:46.047)
Ha

David Dekker (04:50.077)
Yeah, I don't know. My reception seems pretty good, anyway. But did you get all of that or?

Rev Wakil David Matthews (04:58.309)
Yeah, yeah, good. Thank you.

Annalouiza (04:59.475)
Yes, we did.

David Dekker (05:00.395)
Yeah, okay. All right. So yeah, so that's my first initial experience with a death close to home. So.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (05:11.577)
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah.

Annalouiza (05:11.743)
Mm-hmm. And you're right. You can prepare for the loss of your loved one and it's still going to be surprising. You're just going to still be shocked that they're gone. after that initial, I guess, awareness after you're 19 and you lose your grandfather. Is it grandfather? Grandfather, right? Your maternal grandfather?

Rev Wakil David Matthews (05:21.371)
Yeah. Right.

David Dekker (05:22.73)
Yeah.

David Dekker (05:37.291)
My grandfather and I lost him when I was probably in my 30s. Yeah, I was in my early early 30s very early 30s when he passed the friend I lost was when he when I was about 19

Annalouiza (05:42.793)
Okay.

you

Annalouiza (05:49.445)
Okay, I was your friend. But after that, like beginning of that timeline, what how did death impact the story of your life? What did it bring into your awareness?

David Dekker (06:03.219)
You know,

David Dekker (06:07.507)
You know, and it's going to sound really strange or, you know, maybe even selfish.

I don't think that it really had a serious impact on me to the point where it was down in my core. Like, my God, life is short. What am I doing? It didn't really hit me until my mother passed from MS six years ago. And that

Rev Wakil David Matthews (06:39.601)
Hmm.

Annalouiza (06:39.871)
Mmm.

David Dekker (06:44.474)
That was something because she was in a, and this is where I, pardon me if I get on a soapbox about how we treat the elderly. But you know, it's one of those things where we are probably the worst country in the world that I've ever visited that as far as how they treat.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (06:56.039)
You

David Dekker (07:13.074)
the people that paved the road for us. You know, we profit in this country off of the sick and the vulnerable. when I got into senior living and I saw this before I got into senior living, was my mother was we had to move her out of her home because of the MS, her condition had gotten to a point where

Rev Wakil David Matthews (07:15.569)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (07:16.809)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (07:23.451)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (07:23.539)
Mmm, mm-hmm.

David Dekker (07:39.902)
You know, the fire department was saying, we can't continue to come over every day and pick her up. You know, you need to do something or we're going to send you a bill. And so my sister and I put her into a community similar to what I work in right now. I don't like saying facility because that truly sounds like an inmate or a cask off.

Annalouiza (08:07.593)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (08:08.647)
Yeah.

David Dekker (08:09.731)
And so I tell everybody I don't work in a facility. I work in a community. These are people that are living, breathing human beings and deserve dignity. And so when my mom was in one, she spent her life savings well over half a million dollars in care and health care costs. And her disease outlasted her money. And so we had to put her in if she basically she became a ward of the state of California.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (08:15.431)
Mm.

Annalouiza (08:15.547)
Mm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (08:33.478)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (08:33.726)
Mmm.

David Dekker (08:40.11)
And so she was in a Medicaid skilled nursing facility.

Annalouiza (08:40.223)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (08:52.607)
We're still here.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (08:55.003)
He's frozen. He'll come back.

Annalouiza (08:56.437)
he froze.

David Dekker (08:58.988)
DERP! I'm sorry.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (09:00.727)
you're back on a different line. Okay, good.

Annalouiza (09:00.915)
Okay.

David Dekker (09:02.644)
Yeah, I'm sorry. was the reception here is if you sometimes but I apologize. But anyway, I left off with my mom, right? Okay. So she was in a Medicaid facility sharing a room with somebody that is Alzheimer's. So her body had basically shut down her you know, she couldn't use her hands. They had to holler lift her out of bed.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (09:08.795)
Okay, well there's two of you now, that's great.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (09:15.877)
Yeah, yeah, at the facility, yeah.

Annalouiza (09:16.093)
Alright, she's in a facility.

David Dekker (09:32.161)
bathing things and there was like zero dignity left, zero. And this was my mother. You know, this was the woman, you know, and for whatever flaws we all have as parents, you know, she was still a human being and she still deserves some dignity and she did some amazing things in life. You know, she even cleaned the teeth of homeless people in her spare time.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (09:38.279)
Yeah.

David Dekker (10:00.907)
She was a dental hygienist. But that was her way of getting back. And so now she's, know, or then at the end of life, she's in this stinky, smelly Medicaid run facility, you know, and it was just, it was heartbreaking. And I got down there to see her three days before she passed. And I taken my daughters and we sat by her bedside.

Annalouiza (10:15.092)
you

Annalouiza (10:18.975)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (10:29.204)
When I got there, she wasn't really responsive. And so it taught me about what happens with our body when we're about to go. And I just witnessed the exact same thing. Talk about a trigger event. The exact same thing on Friday with one of my residents. The exact same series of events that

Annalouiza (10:43.657)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (10:58.3)
everything. From the moment where her eyes are open and she's laughing to the next day where she's incoherent, to the next day it's just labored breathing and she can barely squeeze a hand. And that's what I went through with my mom and then I've seen it over and over. That's what really impacted me. That's where I was like, wow, this is

Rev Wakil David Matthews (11:17.479)
and

David Dekker (11:28.244)
This isn't something you can just like stuff and forget about. know, this is something that's crucial, especially now I'm dealing with families that are experiencing this and some for the very first time. You know, when you lose a parent, it's brutal. And I have dealt with families here at this place for the last three years whenever somebody passes. And I take it personally too, because for me, it's an honor.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (11:31.815)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (11:31.891)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (11:43.964)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (11:44.319)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (11:56.275)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (11:57.844)
For me, it's a double edged sword because I grieve with them. You know, believe me, my eyes get just as wet when they leave. when I share with them what's going on, I make sure I let them know that it was truly an honor to be that guy to help them along, to be the last one.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (11:58.246)
Thank

Rev Wakil David Matthews (12:06.331)
Hmm.

Annalouiza (12:06.345)
Mm-mm.

Annalouiza (12:11.123)
Mm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (12:23.783)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (12:23.977)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (12:27.176)
you know, that fed them or the last one that held their hand. You know, I had a resident two months ago and David, think I shared this with you is the night before he died, I stopped off. hadn't seen him in the dining room and I made some a beautiful cheesecake. So I cut him a piece of cheesecake and stopped at his apartment on the way home. And when I went in there.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (12:40.622)
See you in a while.

David Dekker (12:55.295)
I said, Hey, you know, I didn't see it today. want to bring you a piece of cheesecake just in case you feel like eating something. And he invited me to sit down. He said, you know, why don't you hang out for a minute? And we, sat with him for damn near 45 minutes. And we talked about our history together. Cause he was one of my biggest critics, my arch nemesis in the first, Oh my God, the guy was always on my crap.

Annalouiza (13:19.796)
Ha

you

David Dekker (13:24.997)
about, you know, everything's cold except for the iced tea, you know, or something, you know, it's always something. Why can't my waffle be hot? And we developed a friendship and we became close. And in fact, I was involved with a woman. Unfortunately, we separated recently, but her son had committed suicide.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (13:29.319)
Yeah.

David Dekker (13:54.943)
a year ago. And she and I were in the living room with the phone while it was going, while all this was going on. And I shared that with him and his son had been killed at the age of 30 by a gunshot. And so he was able to share his grief with my then girlfriend and help her with her process. And, you know, and I'm partied to it all. And so

Annalouiza (14:09.215)
Mmm. Mmm.

Annalouiza (14:18.003)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (14:23.516)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (14:23.604)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (14:24.607)
You know, so I sit with him and we're going over our history together. And I, and I told him, said, well, listen, I'm opening up in the morning. I'll be back first thing around five 30. I'll come, I'll come by and bring you some strawberries or something in the morning. It didn't make it. And I walked into his apartment and he was slumped over. Um, he had, he had passed while sitting up watching TV. And so I had to, I moved his body.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (14:48.807)
Hmm.

David Dekker (14:54.532)
and repositioned him so that way when his family came, it wasn't weird or awkward or upsetting. It was like he looked like he was at peace. these are things that, know, and it's the first time I had to touch a dead body in terms of moving was when I first started working here and the medical examiner

Annalouiza (14:58.783)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (15:07.241)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (15:21.054)
The coroner only sent one person for a pickup and the guy was six foot three, you know? And so I had to help lift him and put him on a gurney and all that. So all this experience has just put me in a whole different mindset, you know? for those people, for any of you out there listening, well, I'll just put it like that, for anybody listening to this.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (15:26.631)
Hmm.

Annalouiza (15:33.971)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (15:38.417)
Yeah, yeah.

Annalouiza (15:38.547)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (15:49.778)
that thinks that when our lights go out, that they stay out, they're sadly mistaken. They are so mistaken because I have, not only do I photograph the evidence of my own mother showing up on film, but I just know that there's more to the story.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (15:58.759)
Thank

David Dekker (16:16.024)
once we pass from this earth, for whatever reason, if it's a karmic thing or if it's practice to get us to a better plane, whatever it is, there's more when we're done here. We're not finished. And that's what I share with the families of the residents here that when they pass, it's...

Rev Wakil David Matthews (16:30.287)
Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Annalouiza (16:30.341)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (16:41.293)
It's, you know, it's sad and you're going to carry that brief like a suitcase. And, you know, and it's going to make your shoulders tired in the beginning. Eventually it goes from a heavy suitcase down to like a duffel bag. And then pretty soon it's like a sling pouch, you know, but you know, it, but it does, it gets easier, but it's never easy. If that makes sense. That's, you know, that's where.

Annalouiza (16:46.559)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (16:47.015)
Hehehe.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (16:52.241)
Hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (17:00.775)
You

Rev Wakil David Matthews (17:07.067)
Yeah, yeah.

David Dekker (17:09.895)
That's where I try to impart.

Annalouiza (17:09.979)
Yeah, and it's not supposed to be easy. It's always a labor, but it's a labor of love, you know, to do these pieces. It's like you love the humans that are behind the stories, behind the eyes, and, you know, we show up for them. I also want to point out I used to volunteer at a facility. It wasn't a community. It didn't seem like a community. But

Rev Wakil David Matthews (17:16.261)
Yeah.

David Dekker (17:16.932)
Right.

David Dekker (17:32.259)
Okay. All right, I'll pass. I'll let it pass.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (17:32.423)
Thanks

Yeah.

Annalouiza (17:36.777)
But what I do remember, I was called in to work with folks who end of life 11th hour who are alone. And it would always just, I'd be busy, right? Like meeting with my folks and making sure that I show up and I'm the only other person who is witnessing the end of their lives. But what I came to see is that a lot of the people who work in these places are also taking care of all these people who are alone. You know, the laundry ladies are

David Dekker (17:43.654)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (18:05.983)
would stop me at one point, like, yes, we keep checking on him. We all make sure that we're trying to go past that floor and make sure we see him. And I appreciate that for all those people who work in places where death is occurring or expected, you're called to do this labor of love. And you are showing up, and I thank you. It's so beautiful.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (18:12.228)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (18:28.913)
Yeah, exactly.

David Dekker (18:29.981)
And you know, thank you for saying that because you know, the one thing that really strikes me, especially the community I'm in now, is everyone here truly has that heart for service and heart for care. And when I hire people, when I'm interviewing for positions here, I tell them all the same thing. I say, I can teach you how to cook, I can teach you how to serve, I can't teach you how to care.

Annalouiza (18:52.969)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (18:59.015)
smooth.

Annalouiza (18:59.155)
You're right.

David Dekker (18:59.854)
I need you to, if you can't care about another individual before you care about yourself, then this isn't the place to be. I say, you know, when you're off the clock, that's your time, but when you're on the clock here, my residents always come first. Whatever is in their benefit, I will allow because it's for them, you know? So if it's, you know,

Rev Wakil David Matthews (19:08.775)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (19:08.829)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (19:15.465)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (19:26.121)
Right.

David Dekker (19:28.284)
chef, I was saying we should try this. Well, how's it going to benefit the residents? Or you just want to show off? You know, because your version of showing something off is something that'll get me complaints in my dining form, you know, or something like that. It's like, you know, I need to be able to explain it, you know, so. So, yeah, it's. That's that's what I really, you know, whether it's care staff and we have an amazing care team here.

Annalouiza (19:32.126)
All right.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (19:33.639)
This is.

Annalouiza (19:36.326)
Hahaha

Rev Wakil David Matthews (19:42.695)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (19:43.102)
Yeah

Rev Wakil David Matthews (19:47.59)
Haha.

David Dekker (19:58.668)
and in fact, while this resident was on hospice over the last couple of weeks, know, everybody in the building went by to check on her and just to say that they love her. You know, the, the family was here. she had four kids. And, the one daughter is always here. and she and I talked a lot and

Annalouiza (20:09.321)
Yeah. Yep.

David Dekker (20:26.332)
She was sitting right by her bed when she took her last breath. And you know, and I held her. You know, she just balled into my shoulder and I couldn't help to get weeping. But I'm just like, I get it. That's why we're here. This is we're doing God's work. That's what we do. It's God's work. You know, so, you know, people, you know, I know there's a everybody has their way of.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (20:29.575)
Hmm.

Annalouiza (20:37.215)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (20:43.377)
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

David Dekker (20:56.828)
doing something nice for somebody else, but I would encourage anybody to go and spend some time and just visit a community someday. Just go and visit or drop off some cookies or something. You know, just something because, you know, I mean, what I do here is kind of unique in the industry in the terms of like not every community.

Annalouiza (21:07.741)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (21:07.813)
Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You

Annalouiza (21:13.641)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (21:26.715)
the country, I'll just broad stroking it because I know that there's individuals out there that care like I do. I'm not saying there isn't anybody else, but what I'm saying is more often than not, what you find are the kitchen managers, I'll say that run a dining program. And then these companies that are running these communities, it's for profit. And so.

Annalouiza (21:53.427)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (21:56.825)
When you're given a food budget, if I were to tell you what the average food budget is per person per day, you would scratch your head going, how the hell do you do it? You know, it's how is that even possible? And you know, it is possible. But what I did was rather than buying, the easy way and buying processed foods and frozen lasagnas and you know,

Annalouiza (22:07.561)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (22:12.127)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (22:24.283)
pre-seasoned, pre-cooked chicken and all that stuff. I do everything from scratch here, so including the desserts. you know, my residents, when they get cookies, it's not out of Spunk Miner. You know, I have flour, butter and sugar and vanilla and chocolate chip. I make it. Cakes and pies, we do it all here. We make soups twice a day from scratch. Just to make sure, just to make sure.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (22:24.465)
Hehehe.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (22:37.959)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (22:38.611)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

You're so lucky.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (22:49.957)
Yeah. Yeah.

David Dekker (22:52.844)
And in fact, it's funny, one of my residents, we had a tour, some prospects that were looking and one of my residents told, they asked the resident, how's the food? And she kind of shook her head. She goes, you know, the food isn't the problem. The problem is we're all gaining weight.

Annalouiza (22:54.249)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (23:10.745)
Yeah.

David Dekker (23:14.144)
And so, you know, and for me, that's a good problem to have, you know, so, you know, so I, you know, I, take my time to educate them. But again, you know, that's not every community. A lot of the communities have, have people that, you know, are just in charge of monitoring the systems as opposed to creating a better, a better way, you know, or, or looking at ways on how

Annalouiza (23:14.171)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (23:18.011)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (23:37.403)
yet.

Annalouiza (23:37.631)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (23:41.988)
how to make your community thrive. You I always tell my residents, I'm not here to make you live longer. I'm just here to make you feel good while you're still here. It's all about making sure that you're comfortable, making sure that you're thriving the best way you can. But you mean, you look at the health issues in this country. You know, I deal with people that have...

Rev Wakil David Matthews (23:49.255)
Thanks

Annalouiza (23:52.561)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (23:52.763)
Right? Yeah.

David Dekker (24:07.641)
gout and people that have diabetes, people that have salt, sodium issues, people that have all kinds of health issues because of lifestyle. know, it's a lot of it, nine times out of 10, it's lifestyle. And when you think about, you know, the diet of, you know, the boomers, we were all raised on TV dinners and processed foods and all kinds of stuff. And that's, that's our comfort food.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (24:19.143)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (24:29.125)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (24:37.185)
You know, that's we want the meatloaf mashed potatoes. We want the you know, the Wonder White bread with the bologna mayonnaise. You know, that's what we were raised on. So it's our food. It's in our food DNA. It's in our memory. You know, and I think that the next generation that's going to shift because now there's more of an awareness about what we're eating and, know, our health conscious, you know, and

Rev Wakil David Matthews (24:37.297)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (24:37.428)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (24:41.775)
haha

Annalouiza (24:49.683)
Yeah, yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (24:59.943)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. About nutrition.

Annalouiza (25:00.105)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (25:06.743)
The political spectrum right now is a whole other story. Don't get me started on RFK. But there are some things, there are some things that I will agree with. It's just I don't necessarily agree with throwing the baby out with the bathwater. I think there needs to be more of a laser focus rather than a broad stroke.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (25:10.055)
We're not going there yet.

Annalouiza (25:11.175)
All right.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (25:24.273)
Yeah, but it's great that you, you went, I didn't have to ask you about our next question, which is about your current role or work, because you're doing a great job. think what I really appreciate and have always appreciated as you've told your stories to me over time. And I always say exactly what Annalisa just said. These are lucky people to be in this community. And so, yeah, I hope that if I ever end up in a community, I have somebody like you who cares enough to,

Annalouiza (25:24.686)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (25:47.295)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (25:51.327)
Yes.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (25:53.585)
create nutritious and yummy food. so, yeah, and really care enough to not just show up. And I love what you've told stories about just walking in and sitting down with people at their meals and, you how you doing? How's everything's been?

Annalouiza (25:55.347)
Yes. And care about the human, right? Yeah.

David Dekker (25:57.004)
Thank you. Yeah.

Voici

David Dekker (26:06.489)
And that's the thing, you know, it's, more than just feeding. You're not just feeding their stomachs, you're feeding their souls. You know, and that, that, and that element gets, this is what, forgive the expression, but it really chafes my nads, is where, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Lisa. But the, the, the thing what really gets me is what I'm sharing with you.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (26:14.78)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (26:26.567)
Hehehe.

David Dekker (26:36.618)
has become a marketing pitch. And it's so, it falls so shallow because it looks great on a poster. It looks great on the entryway in a big frame. know, we do this better. We want you to thrive and all this. But then when you look at the actual, you know, when it's time to show up, what are you actually giving them?

Rev Wakil David Matthews (26:39.527)
Hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (26:45.287)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (27:06.04)
You know, what's actually happening there? you know, that's why I say, you know, do your research if you've got, if you're considering for your parents, or even if you're considering a place to age in place, you know, which is basically what we are. So just as for to age in place. But if you're considering these options, you need to really do your research on it.

Annalouiza (27:22.953)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (27:34.72)
You know, and you have like referral agencies, like a place for mom and all these different referral agencies that are there. But also remember that everything that's involved with senior living in this country is about profits. And it's sad. know, there's some companies, know, the company I work for, we walk that fine line. You know, there has to be a balance.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (27:35.271)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (27:51.251)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (28:03.697)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (28:03.787)
You know, shareholders are important, but so are the people that drive our revenue streams, right? So, you know, but I think it's the line employees that hold that more so than the board or than the investors or than the CEOs. You know, it's the front staff, the line staff are the ones that live that practice every day. And those are the ones that should be celebrated.

Annalouiza (28:07.551)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (28:14.236)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (28:31.109)
Yeah, yeah.

David Dekker (28:31.222)
Those are the people, know, the care staff in my building, even the housekeepers. They're amazing human beings. And when you think about what goes on in a community like this, you know, it's you're cleaning up after people. You know, and it's a nasty job, you know, when somebody soils himself or, you know, I've had things happen in the dining room. You know, that is

Annalouiza (28:39.647)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (28:47.047)
You

David Dekker (29:00.851)
And it's a matter of dignity. It's maintaining their dignity because how embarrassing that must be for them. How hard it is when you realize that, you know, I watched my mother go and when she couldn't use her legs anymore and she was so damn stubborn, you know, that that's why she kept hitting the floor. She would fail to accept the fact that her body was on decline. You know, so it makes it hard, but that's why we're here.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (29:03.078)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (29:07.717)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (29:25.617)
Yep.

Annalouiza (29:29.085)
Hmm. Yeah.

David Dekker (29:30.218)
We're here to get them through it.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (29:30.223)
Yeah, thank you. Appreciate you got to share. Yeah, let's keep going here. Is there any? Yeah, I know. know about you. Yeah, how do you how do you keep yourself resourced when you go? mean yourself. Do you have a way that you can like go outside and take a breath or do some meditation or anything like that that helps?

David Dekker (29:38.986)
I'm sorry, am I talking too much? You get me going, you know, it's hard to shut me. Yeah, I know.

David Dekker (29:56.502)
I do a lot of forest bathing.

Annalouiza (29:59.667)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (29:59.838)
yeah. Yeah.

David Dekker (30:01.473)
So, you know, just to give an example, last weekend, or this past weekend, on Saturday, I just got in the car and just drove. I drove around. But the weekend prior to that, I was having a rough one and I ended up on Saturday, I went across the sound. And I really...

Where we live here in Washington, I call it God's country. It's expensive. You get what you pay for though. And the three months or four months out of the year, when they turn the water off in July, and then we don't see rain again until late September, October, that makes it worthwhile living up here. And because it's not houses and concrete, like when I lived in California, that's all it was.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (30:37.297)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (30:49.744)
You

David Dekker (30:58.345)
You know, up here you can get out. You know, I drove up to index and drove, did some four wheel drive and I just sat in a river and just was still. you know, and then my, my camp trip, a couple of few weeks ago, David, I told you guys about down at Shasta. That's my time. That's my time to release it all. And it, and it just.

be still and just to have that quiet and turn off the noise. You know, it's, it's, it's challenging. Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (31:29.094)
you

Rev Wakil David Matthews (31:32.411)
Yeah, that's our best answer, our number one answer for taking care of ourselves, getting into the forest.

Annalouiza (31:37.119)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (31:39.414)
Just get out there and feel and ground. And, know, I call it listening to the voice of God. When you hear the wind through the trees, when you hear the rushing rivers hitting the rocks and all that, that is truly the voice of God. And that sounds better than anything from a TV or conversations from across the room. It's just, it's peaceful.

Annalouiza (31:39.901)
Yes.

Annalouiza (31:44.529)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (31:48.295)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (31:50.889)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (31:57.883)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (31:58.003)
You

Rev Wakil David Matthews (32:03.975)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you, yeah, agreed.

Annalouiza (32:06.484)
Yeah.

Yes. So Dave, what frightens you about the end of life?

David Dekker (32:17.654)
You know, I used to be worried. I'm not scared to die anymore. I'm not. Because of my shades, I think. What I've witnessed, what I've seen, I'm comfortable with it. And I've lived a really...

Strange and wonderful life. mean, the experiences I've had, the people I've met, the things that I've done. And to be honest with you, I look back at some of the incidents in my life and there's no real good reason that I should be alive today. But I am. And so the only conclusion I can come to is I'm alive today to be doing what I'm doing now. Everything I did my entire life led me to this moment. And that's how I look at it.

And so if I have any fears or concerns about my end of life, it would be for my kids. It would be that fear of how it will affect them. What are they going to process? What are they going to remember? What is it that they're going to, what's going to stand out to them when they say their last goodbye to me, when I finally check out?

Rev Wakil David Matthews (33:22.257)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (33:44.148)
How is it going to impact them? How are they going to process that kind of grief? I know what I went through with my own mother. And fortunately, my daughters were with me when my mother passed. So that was their impact. That was their closest impact. so now, that's my concern now is what's going to happen with them? Especially the world that I'm leaving behind,

Rev Wakil David Matthews (33:45.873)
Yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (34:07.023)
Yeah, make sure. Yeah. Yep. That's why we talk so much.

Annalouiza (34:10.302)
Yeah.

David Dekker (34:14.066)
really scared for them.

Annalouiza (34:14.569)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (34:15.659)
Yeah, yeah, that's why we have this. One of the reasons we do this is people can have these conversations with each other and with their families and make this so, so important. Well, thank you. We've gotten toward the end of their time, but you have this quote. Do you want to read it do want us to? I guess you told us you couldn't find it, so I guess we'll read it.

Annalouiza (34:22.431)
Yes.

David Dekker (34:22.995)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (34:26.047)
you

David Dekker (34:33.672)
Yeah, why don't you rate it? Cause you know, I've got, I've got like a hundred million things going through my head on the course of a day.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (34:40.263)
I understand. All right. Well, maybe we'll read it twice since it's fairly short. Let on, do you want to start?

Annalouiza (34:45.479)
Okay, let's do it.

Annalouiza (34:50.995)
The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.

David Dekker (34:58.373)
I remember that now.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (35:00.071)
by Pablo Picasso. The meaning of life.

David Dekker (35:03.506)
That's right. I came across that. I came across that quote and it struck me because my personal journey, I was an arrogant, selfish bastard for most of my life. And I can own that. You know, I've broken a lot of hearts and I've caused a lot of damage and I've been through two marriages and

Rev Wakil David Matthews (35:20.295)
Hehehe.

David Dekker (35:32.271)
Looking back from where I'm standing now, that was the one thing I've been searching for my entire life was that meaning of life. What is my freaking purpose here? And when you read that and it hits you and you're just like, holy crap, I've been doing this backwards the whole time.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (35:44.731)
Yeah, yeah.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (35:52.359)
Yeah. Well, I'll read it one more time just as the ending of this. The meaning of life is to find your gift. Such a good story that you've told us. The purpose of life is to give it away. So that's what we're up to and that's what you're up to, obviously. So really thank you so much. Appreciate you getting to join us today.

Annalouiza (35:54.751)
Annalouiza (36:13.439)
Thank you, thank you.

David Dekker (36:15.055)
I really appreciate both of you. do. I appreciate the time to do this. And I really pray that it reaches a broad audience and that everybody be encouraged to, you know, as a final note, you know, as a professional chef and you read some of my bio, I've been all over the place. It was always the stigma that senior living.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (36:24.774)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (36:24.831)
Mm-hmm.

David Dekker (36:42.534)
was the place where chefs fade away. It's like, you just go to retire or die, you know? But since I've been in this, I wish I had gotten into it sooner. I wish I had had the mindset to understand how crucial and important it is because I've got to, and Dave will tell you, I've got...

Annalouiza (36:45.663)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (36:48.551)
You

Annalouiza (36:48.713)
Mm-hmm.

Annalouiza (36:57.087)
Hmm.

David Dekker (37:08.883)
bedroom filled with signed baseballs and jerseys and bats and all kinds of stuff. And it collects dust. It has no real value. I mean, maybe on eBay, but no, no, no intrinsic value as far as your soul, your, your, you know, your, your worth. But all of my value is right here. It's in the 75, 80 people that I take care of three times a day, you know, and that means more to me than

Rev Wakil David Matthews (37:17.329)
Yeah.

Annalouiza (37:31.561)
Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (37:36.278)
beautiful.

David Dekker (37:38.314)
all the signed baseballs in the world and all that stuff. It's like, wow. And so I encourage any chefs out there that are looking for purpose instead of ego, instead of fame and glory, look for purpose. Because this is what we do. all right.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (37:40.903)
Ha

Annalouiza (37:50.181)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Rev Wakil David Matthews (37:51.975)
He

Rev Wakil David Matthews (37:55.643)
Yeah, what a way to serve. Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much and I'll turn off the recording and...

Annalouiza (37:55.677)
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. That's...